Welcome, Tears!

I thought it would get easier. I have said good-bye to all five daughters departing for many places around the world… Estonia, Thailand, Australia, Africa, Italy, China, Jamaica, Mexico City, Honduras…and it never gets easier. We just left Silverthorne, Colorado, where we said good-bye to Alyssa and Tyler, who are leaving for Japan this week, to engage in both ministry endeavors and teaching English as a second language. They are newly weds bound for the unknown, the unfamiliar…bound for an adventure that will carry them into a culture they know very little about. We spent a wonderful day together, beginning with a church service held in the town amphitheater.
The pastor concluded the service by playing a recording by Rebecca St. James. I knew I was in trouble…I lost it. Tears were streaming down my face as I flashed back to a Rebecca St. James concert Alyssa and I attended when she was 13 years old. The songs she was hearing caused such a stirring in her heart, that when Rebecca invited people to come forward who desired a deeper relationship with the Lord…she didn’t skip a beat. Off she went, practically running down the isle. Hundreds were heading down the isle…who would she hook up with? Where would we find each other? Would she get lost? Oh ye of little faith…such needless worry. It wasn’t long before she came running down the isle with a beautiful Bible tucked under her arm. She was beaming. It was a milestone experience…one that turned the course of her life. Now do you see why it gripped my emotions? Well, it was there that the tears began and they continued to filter through my eyes unannounced throughout the day. Oh man, I’ve got to grab a Kleenex. My tear ducts are filling up again just writing about it.
So why so many tears? You might think I am fearful for their safety, for their health, that they will collapse under the cultural pressures, that they will have to suffer…NO, its nothing like that! That part is easy for me because I am confident in the God who called them to Japan and promises to join them throughout their journey…to guide them…protect them…comfort them…instruct them…and grow them. What’s causing the tears? It’s knowing how much I will miss that cup of tea while processing so much of life together. I will miss connecting with them at church and enjoying a lunch together after the services. At our family gatherings, I’ll miss watching them take absolute delight in Winston and Ellie our two grandchildren ages 1 and 3. I’ll miss watching them grow together as a couple and in their walk with the Lord. “Girl time” just won’t be the same without Alyssa’s laughter, challenging comments, and sharing about her day-to-day personal journey. I’ll miss being the recipient of her servant heart, encouraging comments, affirmation, and her warm hugs…and on and on I could go.
By the time we shared our last cup of coffee at Starbucks, Alyssa and I were a mess…laughing and crying, while reminiscing the past year. Our men kept serving us more coffee while throwing an occasional smile at each other. They knew not to rush us…we just needed time to say “Good-bye”. I welcome my tears because they tell the story of our “family togetherness”… of my heart connection with Alyssa. They connect me to our storehouse of treasured memories that will keep Alyssa and Tyler present even in their absence. How sad…I mean really sad… it would be if there were no tears.

"On Our Way Rejoicing!"

Blogging on the road…isn’t easy. I didn’t mean to drop off the face of the earth…but computer challenges and a tight schedule have kept me from getting on line until now. Who wants to waste a blog…right?? so please back up two weeks with me and we will begin to move forward from there.
You would think with all the traveling we have done as a family, I would have entered the empty nest years with all systems in place to make an organized, timely exit...not so. Traveling with five girls (two plus year spacing between each of them) held its challenges…making sure all their clothes were packed, hair bows and hair paraphernalia packed, diapers, wipes, fence, stroller, project bags etc… preparing to be gone for months at a time left my head spinning trying to remember everything that had to get packed.
Well, not much has changed…just different challenges. A couple weeks ago life got crazy. I wanted to be so organized…washed, ironed and packed clothes, itinerary for visiting friends and supporters in place, clean house, plants watered,…you name it…when Dan was ready to hit the road I wanted to have everything loaded, ready to go.
Well, we were supposed to leave yesterday, Tuesday at noon, and right now it is 6:00 Wednesday evening and the clock is still ticking…tick-tock…tick-tock. What used to hold us up was an emergency with a child…perhaps a dirty diaper walking out the door, 5 returns to the house because we forgot something…or a vehicle malfunction. Rather than last minute family demands…now it is last minute ministry requests, “Oh, and by the way could you do this before you leave…or I need this from you today by noon…or we need to get these photos down-loaded before you leave.
It is now midnight and Dan just laid down to get a little sleep. All is quiet and I am collecting my thoughts, running through my lists, and locating certain things I couldn’t find earlier. Me sleep?? Not a chance! I’m too wound up…there is no way I can get my mind to relax until we get on the road.
3:00 am… we are “On our way rejoicing!” I’m reminiscing my childhood…every trip began with my mom announcing, “On Our Way Rejoicing” followed by my dad praying for God’s blessing and protection on our trip. This tradition carried over to our family…I would yell “On Our Way Rejoicing” to be heard above the arguments of who was going to get the window and who was going to sit next to who… now I announce it into the quiet of the night. My how life has changed! I miss the chaos, loud chatter, arguing, laughter, crying, and singing. How blessed we are…so many rich family memories we can relive over and over again.
We have this moment to hold in our hands…
To touch as it slips through our fingers like sand.
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today. (Gloria Gaither)
Take time to make lasting memories today…they will help carry you through tomorrow.

A Family "Raku" Experience

Now this is really strange... right after I blogged about “Gilbert” the spider, he disappeared. It is as if he knew what I wrote…took the plunge and moved. No more spider webs in my face…in my hair…and no more guilt about destroying the beautifully spun web…and to think he was about to make a friend. Oh well!! On with life for both of us.

Last night we had some of our family out for dinner and did a “Raku” firing . My husband, Dan, is a potter and has just built a “Raku” kiln. Raku is a popular low-temperature, fast firing process that produces exciting, chance surface effects on ceramic ware…from a simple white crackle glaze to a surprising spectrum of color. Each firing takes about 20 minutes.

First, everyone had the opportunity to glaze their pot. Andrew of course, the meticulous person that he is, invested the most time getting a combination of glazes just so…squirting a bit of glaze here and another glaze there, until the pot was well covered. Everyone had fun glazing…yet, they had no idea what the glazes would produce. That is what is so much fun about “raku”, there is always an element of surpirise with the final product. You can affect, but you can’t predict the final outcome.

Dan set the pots into the kiln. He fired the kiln up to about 1900 degrees at which point the glazes became glassy. He used tongs to remove the red hot pots from the fire, placing them into a garbage can full of straw which immediately burst into flames…ya, this is the part Nicole didn’t like…way too dangerous she said. I have to say that for a split second it does feel a bit out of control. Dan smothered the flames by putting the cover on the garbage can. He let the pieces smoulder for about 10 minutes. When he removed the cover he pulled out the black sooty pieces and rushes them to the sink where he began to scrub them down. Everyone crowded around to watch as he uncoverd the beautiful, colorful, glassy finished pieces of art. WOW!!! That is all we were able to say as these beautiful pots emerged. It was amazing to watch. Tyler and Alyssa captured the whole experience with photos. They leave in two weeks for Japan and Alyssa wanted photos to show her students. Japan is the birthplace of “Raku”. Enjoy!

Mr. Spider perseveres

Back to "The New Eve'. I don’t want to keep you hanging. Here is where I have landed. God gave these “core callings” to Adam and Eve before the fall (Genesis1:28, 2:24). Need I say anymore? As the author put it, “The fall was a moment when all of God’s original intentions and core callings for men and women became twisted, distorted and most of all difficult. We are all affected in some way by the many consequences of “the fall”. Any other thoughts??

I walk in the mornings. Most mornings I walk out my front door and am greeted by a large spider web. As I pass through it, I swish through my hair…brush off my clothes… for fear my body has captured the spider. “How disgusting!” I mutter to myself as I continue walking down the stairs. Now, I mean ALMOST EVERY MORNING this happens.

Walking gives me “think time”, and today my thoughts landed on “Mr. Spider”. What do you suppose he thinks of me? Every day I destroy 24 hours of hard labor, creating this web that provides for his livelihood. And every day he begins from scratch to create a new one. He doesn’t grow weary in doing the task set before him, irregardless of his adverse circumstances (that would be me :). He faithfully spins his web. What perseverance! Might there be a lesson in this for me? Absolutely! Just think, “Mr Spider” is teaching me a life lesson. I wonder if it will ever dawn on him to relocate. With as many encounters as we have had, don’t you think that Mr. Spider deserves a name…how about Gilbert ?

In Memory of Edith!

Today, with a cup of tea in hand, I sat out on our deck and reflected on the last couple of weeks. WOW, what a whirlwind! Dan received a phone call from his sister telling him his mom had unexpectedly taken a turn for the worst. This was on Saturday, and Monday morning we received another phone call telling us to come home. She died at 7:00pm and we arrived at 1:00 am, 6 hours later. His brother and 3 sisters were waiting for us in her room. Everything was left untouched. She laid asleep in her overstuffed chair with a blanket tucked around her neck. The family left the two of us to say our good-byes. I watched as Dan gave her one more hug…one more kiss…and one more time he whispered in her ear, “I love you, mom.”…even though they had said good-bye the day before. She had hoped she would be able to celebrate her 96th birthday June 30ieth, but she didn’t quite make it.

As I sat looking out over the horizon from my deck, I reflected on what she left behind…her jokes, her wit, her choices, her habits, her circumstances in life, her family…all of which will echo down through the generations to come. What did she mean to me and to others? Where did she leave her mark? Was it meaningful? Was she happy? Did she make a difference?

My thoughts couldn’t help but turn inward. What about the legacy I am leaving behind? Am I living my life with the end in mind? What are the things about my life that will echo down through the generations? How I want my life to finish should be reflected in how I am living it today. What do I see? Do I like what I see? Before I die who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What do I want to have? Who do I want to help? What do I want to enjoy? What do I want to leave behind? OK…OK ENOUGH!!! Too much food for thought!

Edith Butkowski at 95 years of age left behind 6 children…30 grandchildren…59 great grandchildren…and 9 great-great grandchildren. Her life and Godly character impacted her family, her friends, and her community in so many ways. Her life was all about serving others. What an incredible legacy!!! Did she make a difference? Yes, in so many people’s lives. She made a difference in my life… She gave me Dan!!

The New Eve

This summer a friend and I are facilitating a study on the book, “The New Eve” by Robert Lewis. God brought together a multi-generational group…women of all ages, all seasons, and walks of life…perfect for a study like this. Now as you well know, along with diversity comes a mixture of thoughts, views, opinions, and convictions…because each person sifts life through their particular world view. Needless to say, there has been lively conversations…healthy though. J

The book focuses on the “3 Core Callings” God gave to all women, found in Genesis 1: 28 and Genesis 2: 24

Leave and cleave (Seek a deep, lasting companionship with a man)
Be fruitful and multiply (raise up and launch healthy, godly children)
Subdue and rule (advance God’s kingdom on earth in ways specific to your gifting)

Robert Lewis states it this way, “In genesis you find what I call universal “core callings” for every woman. By “core callings” I mean purposes God has in His mind for you as a woman – purposes around which everything else you do and choose in life finds its rightful place and order of priority.”

There was much conversation last week…but the thought I was left wrestling with was, “Why did God give all women these same “core callings” but didn’t give all women the same opportunity to marry and have children? Some women are able to fulfill only one of their “core callings” in life. This doesn’t make sense. OK all you sweet connections out there…any thoughts? I’m Pondering…….

Celebrating 35 Years Together

Picture this 35 years ago…four bathing beauties basking in the sun in the backyard of my home in Story City, Iowa. My sisters and I were experiencing the “calm” before the “panic”. I was getting married the next day. It was so peaceful as we listened to the wind whistling through the trees, and felt the cool breeze, putting us all to sleep. A couple hours later we woke up in a panic…I was burned to a crisp. What in the world was I thinking? I guess creating a memory took precedence over having common sense …which is often the case with me. The next day I painfully eased my arms into my long-sleeved wedding dress and prayed like crazy I wouldn’t peel before the ceremony, which by the way lasted an hour and 45 minutes.

That was 35 years ago…its hard to believe we just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary, June 2nd. Sitting at the restaurant we began to reminisce the past 35 years together…the fun, laughter, hard times, good times, 5 girls…infancy, childhood, youth, adults…births, education, marriage; ministering in Clarksville (Tn.), San Bernardino (Ca), and Little Rock (Ar.). We talked about love, memories, trust, loyalty…and on and on…and on and on we went. Our life together has been so rich.

But we also talked about how it is harder now to find time to celebrate. It is just the two of us…no one giving input as to how we should celebrate our anniversaries…our birthdays…our holidays...all the milestones in our lives. But does it really matter…it would be much simpler to let them pass by unannounced. Did I really just say that??? OH YES IT MATTERS!!! This is the time we need to dream together…evaluate where we have been , where we are now… and set new goals for where we want to be 5…10…15 years from now. Very important years are ahead of us personally, in our marriage, and with our ministry. We must keep dreaming and celebrating life together!

I made a “sweet connection” 35 years ago to the “love of my life”. And that connection grows stronger everyday...and will continue to grow "till death do us part”!